Bye Bye

I’ve finally moved!!

You can find my new blog if you click here.

I’ll miss this place…*tear*

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I Hate Jokers

I’m not a big fan of practical jokes.  I like jokes.  Just not practical ones.  That’s why it’s so surprising that myself and Mr. Claire ever got together.  He is a giant child.  He jumps out at me from behind doors to scare me.  Leaves fake spiders lying around.  Gets all imaginative and constantly thinks of new ways to freak me out.  He also lies.  He tells me stories and I go, seriously?  And he laughs, saying, no, of course not!  Arsehole.

Thinking back to our first few months together, I really don’t know how I put up with him.  One day he rang me up in a really weak, pathetic voice and told me he had been knocked down by a car on his way to work and was in hospital.  I was completely freaked out and he waited until I was on my way out the door to visit him before he started laughing his bollox off.  Toerag.

On our first day…I must tell you that story sometime, it’s an odd one…we had been to the pictures and erm, got together before having something to eat together.  He was in work that night so we didn’t have long left together.  I was 19 at the time.  He puts on this really guilty looking face and stares at me.

 “Claire…”

 “What?”

“I have something to tell you…”

Uh-Oh.  “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.  But.  I’m only 16.”

“Excuse me, what did you just say?”

“I’m only 16…”

“Are you taking the piss?”

He shakes his head mournfully.  I throw up in my mouth a little.

“What?   WHAT?!”

“I”m sorry…”

 I have tears in my eyes at this stage.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were only 16?!”

“Everybody lies about their age.  I thought you did too.  Are you sure you’re 19?  You look very young.”

I showed him my i.d.  I kept waiting for him to say it was a joke.  But he didn’t.  And all I could think of was, he can’t be 16, he has man hands!  I felt so sick.  I was crying.  He had this wierd look on his face and I didn’t know what to do.  16?  Gross!!  I can’t express just how horrified I was.  My younger brother was 16.  He had lots of 16 year old friends.  The thoughts of going out with someone that age was completely sickening.  He had to go so I walked him to his bus stop because I couldn’t let a kid wander around town alone, right?

We get to the bus stop and he starts laughing.  He falls around the place laughing.  There is such a look of unbridled glee on his face that I just stand there in silence waiting for him to finish.  “I’m not 16, you idiot!  Haha the look on your face!  That was classic!”

I tried to glare at him, tried to force myself to punch him in the face but the truth was I was so relieved that I hadn’t gone out with a 16 year old that I couldn’t be angry at him.  Although I did make him show me his i.d.  I never really believed that he was 19 until I saw his passport a year later.  Only then did I really feel secure about it 😉  For the record, he loves reminding me of that story, telling other people about that story and claiming that he is my toyboy.  He’s younger than me by five months and that story still makes me feel sick…He’s such an arsehole 🙂

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I.Q Tests

Having mentioned recently that I felt like I was stupider…since I had children, I decided to put it to the test and take an I.Q. test.  In fairness, I did a free one online so it doesn’t really count but I was disgusted surprised by the results.  I am stupider!!!  I mean, more stupid….or something…I took an I.Q. test (can’t remember which one, Mensa or Stanford-Binet, doesn’t really matter) before I had children when I was about 19 or 20, I scored quite high in the gifted zone.  Shocking, I know…but before you faint, my recent test revealed I was now in the above average percentage…and very barely at that.  What I mean is, I guessed a lot fluked getting into that category, trust me!  Plus they say that online tests are overly generous with their scores so I dread to think how little my brain cells are worth these days!

My scores were then divided into categories.  Apparently I scored highly in both verbal communication and short term memory.  Um…I can’t verbally communicate with anyone and I have absolutely no short term memory to speak of.  Something is very wrong here…Although people good at this crap are meant to be good at things like writing so woo!   I scored shockingly low in the Mathematics section.  That’s scary because once upon a time I was very good at Maths.  My old Math teacher would be furious that it’s now my poorest area because she used to pride herself that Maths was best subject.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was wrong, sorry Miss!!

Why does this happen?  Is it because I’m now only using my brain to learn Tweenie songs, Wiggles Dance Routines and Hi5 skits?  Is it because I don’t test my brain beyond the realm of blogging?  Why has intelligence forsaken me, why?!  I have to admit that of all the things that happen when you are a parent, it’s the stupidity that gets to me the most.  I hate feeling stupid.  I hate that my brain doesn’t work as fast as it used to.  It’s like it hit it’s peak in my teens and after that it’s been downhill.  I’ve always been great at grammar, spelling and punctuation, give it to me straight, my writing is a load of bollox now, isn’t it?  I feel like this is how senility must kick in except a billion times worse.  I don’t want to live through that, seriously.  I’m having a hard enough time as it is coping with not being able to string a coherant sentence together without that on my shoulders too.   I used to be smart.  I used to know a lot.  What the hell happened to me?!  Oh, yes, that’s right, I had two kids and apparently donated my brain to them…

I don’t read as much as I used to because I can’t take in as much unless the words are seriously enthralling.  I can’t remember what people tell me.  I can’t take in simple information easily.  I space out…a lot!  I constantly repeat myself and forget who told me what, leading to a lot of repetitive conversations with frustrated people.  I can’t work out complicated sums in my head anymore.  I need to write that shit down, I feel so SLOW!!  

I’m disgusted with myself for letting myself go so much.  Losing my brain means a lot more to me than losing my tiny figure.  I said goodbye to being too small for a size 8 a loooong time ago.  I’ve made my peace with that…it’s the ‘oul brain slowing down that I can’t get with.  Grey hairs, wrinkles, love handles, I can live with all of that no bother but I’m really worried about my mind.  I make Mr. Claire buy me books, novels, history, biology, law, anything he can get his hands on…but I just can’t take it in like I used to and to be honest that scares me.  It doesn’t feel…normal.   Imagine if I started night classes like I had planned.  I would be so behind everybody else.  I just couldn’t deal with being the slow one.

I have serious problems with this because being smart is all I’ve ever been sure of.  Now that’s gone, I’m left with…quirky, at best.  That manages to both suck and blow at the exact same time.  I even forget the things that I have learned.  I really hate that feeling that I once knew this stuff so well and now I can’t manage to form one single fact on it.  Blah!

Enough about me…what is it that you’ve lost that you can’t live with?  Have you lost some brain cells since you gave birth?  Did you wake up one day and realise that you were no longer the hot young thing that everyone was jealous of?    I’ve never been funny, witty, popular or droolicious so losing my intelligence is the end of the world, how can I ever go on?!  Apart from the fact that I have two incredibly beautiful, entertaining, healthy children to live for, of course 😉  Seriously though, how did you cope when you realized that the person you believed you still were, was no longer looking back at you in the mirror?

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The Consequences of Death and Cocaine

I promised myself that I wouldn’t write about this but I can’t get away from it.  Everywhere I turn is overflowing with it so now it’s my turn.   Just to start you off I’m going to let you know how I already felt about it.  Most of you probably already know just how against drugs I am, cocaine in particular.  For various reasons, here are a couple of them.  My best friend ruined my life by suddenly committing suicide because he owed money from drugs he was supposed to sell.  He didn’t even take drugs himself.  I didn’t even know he was selling.  He was the happiest person I knew (or so I thought) and I’m so mad at him for wasting his life for a scumbag dealer.  I’ve never gotten over it.  One of my very good friends ruined her own life by taking drugs before she knew she was pregnant and eventually lost the baby that should have been my godchild.  She will never get over that.  Her dealer boyfriend threatened to burn my house down and cut my brother’s head off because she went out one night without him and he got high and wrongly thought she was with me.  I know young fathers who have been taken to the mountains, had their tattoos cut off and shot in the back of the head because they got caught selling (and therefore lost) the drugs that were going to make them a little money for their family at Christmas.  I know the devastated mothers, girlfriends and fatherless children left behind.  They will never get over it.

I’m caught in the middle because I know the families of the people that snorted cocaine and then decided to pull those triggers.   I have to be careful who I invite to special occasions because it could turn into a fucking bloodbath if somebody turns up and spots the father of the man who murdered his brother.  I’ve been asked so many questions because people are looking for vengeance…and I don’t blame them but hurting innocent people in retaliation is never the way. 

I’ve been threatened a million times by people who are only brave because they are on coke that night.  I’m not afraid of anyone.  Nobody scares me but I should be scared because they aren’t afraid either – as long as they are snorting.  Anything can happen then.  There was a report before that said most gun crime was committed while the person was high on coke.  I well believe it.   And that’s even before the health risks both physical and mental.  People can die almost instantly, they can be poisoned by what the coke is cut with, they can die after a couple of years, they can die because of the continued stress on their hearts, their personalities can change, they can appear psychopathic even sociopathic, becoming emotionless and aggressive. 

I don’t really give a shit if this sounds like I’m standing on my soapbox.  I don’t give two fucks.  Yeah I’ve had bad experiences, so what?  What about the people that I don’t know personally?  What about that party where a couple of cokeheads were refused entry only for them to come back and shoot through the windows killing a 21 year old mother?  What about the innocent people that get shot because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time?  It’s one thing when the scumbags are only killing each other but now it could happen to anyone.  Bump into somebody on the street and who knows what could happen these days.  Drugs are involved in everything now.   It’s slowly eating away at my country once again.  It’s no longer the poor areas either.  Everywhere is getting a look in.  Anyone could be touched by it.

So, after that unexpected rant, this is what my actual post is really about!  Yesterday was the funeral of one of Ireland’s most well known models, Katy French.  She recently turned 24, a week before she died she admitted that she had been taking cocaine for the past five years but that sort of life was over for her.  She warned people of the risks of taking cocaine.  A couple of days later she was in a coma.  Of course the media (and everyone else) jumped on the idea that she died from cocaine use.  She had a series of small heart attacks and her body basically couldn’t keep going from the stress.  I think it’s terrible that people made these assumptions before her family could even start to cope with the idea.  It has been said that traces of cocaine were found in her blood but even if she hadn’t taken it that day or night, her heart had still been weakened from five years of use.  People are wondering why she said she was done with cocaine only a couple of days before this but I’m sure she thought she was.

I have to back up a bit here.  This year in particular, the focus is on cocaine use in Ireland.   Please read that article to really understand what it is like here.  There has been a huge effort to bring awareness to the dangers.  In the last week alone an investigation came to light that said cocaine traces was found in over 90% of the toilets of pubs, clubs and workplaces in Ireland.  Read that article to learn more about Katy and recent events.  Every single day in the newspapers and on the news are warning articles and items about the epidemic of cocaine in Ireland.  A couple of weeks before Katy French came into the picture, there was an incident at a party where cocaine use left a couple of people in comas which turned out to be fatal. 

Ireland has a population of around four million people.  Four million people.  That’s a very small number in comparison to most countries.  For a couple of people to die in the one week from using cocaine makes a huge impact.  Or at least it should.  But it didn’t.  Those men in Waterford died and nobody batted an eyelid.  Gangland heads are getting shot over here on a regular basis and nobody cares.  I’ve heard people say about that party in Waterford things like, “ah, it was only a bad batch.”  Wtf, your next line could be a ‘bad batch” you gobshite!  Oh, but wait…the toxicology reports on Katy French have said that the last cocaine she snorted was pure.  What was that about bad batches?

I’m getting to my point, stay with me here…So we all know what the dangers are.  It’s thrown in our face constantly by the media.  I mean there is a concentrated effort on informing people.  Not just the possible instant effects but the long term effects too.  Katy warned people about them before she died.  But nobody cares.  Why is that?  Nobody wants to know.  Nobody wants to hear it.  Nobody wants to hear about the consequences.  Until now.  Until a pretty, blonde, famous model has her life snuffed out.  Suddenly, everybody is shocked.  I’ve even heard people say that it’s put them off touching cocaine for life.  This is the consequence of her death.  This is what it took for people to pay attention.  A young girl had to die for people to sit up and listen.   I hate that it has to be this way and I hate saying this but if it saved one person’s life then she didn’t die for nothing.  I feel so sorry for her family and the families of everybody else that is left behind.  But I can’t feel sorry for people who take drugs.  They know exactly what they are doing and they are doing it to themselves.   I hate that but not as much as I hate the people getting them hooked.

Can I just say that I have NEVER once been offered cocaine.  By anyone.  I have never been offered any kind of drugs except hash in the pub and once a school friend of mine asked me to split an E with her.  Other than that, nobody has ever tried to get me to take drugs.  That says one of two things to me.  Either they know by the look of me that they’ll be on the receiving end of a box in the mouth 🙂 or people have to go looking for it.  People who actually know me already know that they won’t be spending time with me if they are off their heads on coke.  Just for the record Ireland is supposed to one of the top cocaine using countries in Europe and one of the cheapest.  It’s freely available to those who want it and people from all walks of life use it.  If my children grow up to use it I will be both devastated and ashamed.  My heart would break if my children took drugs, I don’t know what I would do. 

I’m glad that young people in particular are taking notice of what could happen but I wonder how long it will last.   There has been such a flood of awareness over the last week, it’s been amazing but that kind of attention can’t be maintained.  So we will all probably be reading about more young dead people over the holidays.  Isn’t life great?

I know this is a horrible post but I don’t really care.  I’m sick of the whole thing and I feel better after writing it.  I know that what I say doesn’t change anything for anyone else in this world.  But I feel relieved now for getting it off my chest.  It pisses me off when young people with severe health problems would love to have the chance at life that so many people are wasting.  I’ve depressed myself, I might do a meme later to cheer myself up 😉

 Edit:  I just read this and thought you might like a less hysterical calmer point of view 😉

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If Money Was No Object

I saw a little meme on Mel’s blog.    Your poor husband by the way Melissa!!  Anyway, it’s to name five things you would do if you had unlimited amounts of money.  Whaddya know, it’s one of my favourite things to talk about!!  I have lots I want to post today so for now you’re getting a two for one deal and I promise not to post any depressing thoughts on a Monday!

 If I had unlimited amounts of money:

 1.   I would make everyone I know a millionaire.  A woman in Limerick won the Euromillions, it was over 100 million euro.  I forget exactly how much but anyway, I love to think that if I had won that sort of money, I would have been able to share it with my nearest and dearest.  Imagine making everyone you care about wealthy.  That gives me a real thrill.  Makes me feel all warm and happy 🙂   Obviously the kids would get more than anyone else and there is no way on this green earth that either of my children’s uncles would get it all in the one go.  Feckin’ wasters.

2.   I would buy Shelbourne football club.  Mr. Claire would buy Kildare County and we would see who could win after throwing loads of money into Irish football.  I might throw the G.A.A. a bone too but we’ll see.

 3.   I would pay the vet bill for the animal pound, Paws.  They are always looking for help with that.  Actually, I would put a shitload of money into an account and donate regularly to charities anonymously.  And I would go over to the fecking third world countries meself with bloody cows and goats and whatnot and build them water pumps and teach them how to fecking well fish.  At least I would know it was really happening and not being given to corrupt governments.  Jaysus aren’t we cynical today?  I’d pay a billion to the first person who thought of a cure for an incurable disease and I would make sure that every orphanage in the entire world was a kick ass place to be.  Yes, I dream a little too much…

4.   I would set up a publishing company.  Only for unpublished and new writers.  Successful writers can feck off somewhere else.  I’d set up a magazine and an e-zine that paid really, exceptionally well and I’d finance some free to enter contests as well as give money to schools to encourage creativity in students.  Feck that, I’d set up a recording studio as well for the many unsigned Irish bands going around.  You know what?  I would rock the world if I had unlimited amounts of money.

5.  I would be completely selfish too mind you.  I would buy Mr. Claire a whole stable of racehorses and a couple of hot cars that should be on the after version of Pimp My Ride.  I’d buy an island in a warm place and build homes on it for everyone I know.  That would be class!  I would buy every cd, book, dvd and game that ever existed.  I would get clarinet lessons again and piano lessons AND I would get my nails done.  A lot.   And I would organise a HUGE blogger party and ship the lot of yis over to my island for a very long holiday 😉

 Okay so I sort of cheated there but you get the drift.  If I had unlimited amounts of money, I could spend a whole lot of it 😛

 By the way!  Thanks to Aimee for my blog award, I’ll get around to passing it on at some stage!!

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Moving House In Pain

Yesterday, myself and Mr. Claire were talking and on the spur of the moment, without thinking even five minutes into the future, he got me hosting and the like.  I spent the whole day looking at a complete copy of this blog on the wrong another domain name and contemplated if I really should move house.  Just to point out, I had no clue what I was doing and did things the long, hard, wrong way.  Obviously.  This is me.  He kept saying to me, we’ll get somebody to do it for you.  I’m stubborn.  I don’t like that kind of help.   Regardless of this, it just didn’t feel right.  So eventually, I decided to stay here and use the hosting and the like to learn how to do everything myself with a test site.  I’m an idiot.  I know this.  I hate when things aren’t perfect and I hate when I don’t feel at home.  I can’t read my posts over because I know I’ll just edit them constantly.  Isn’t that sad?  And I won’t comment on a blog more than once that doesn’t feel…comfy.  I have a wierd mind sometimes, I admit it.

 So, basically, I wanted to tell you that I made a decision that will make absolutely no difference to your lives 🙂

It is now the 10th of December and my carefully thought out Christmas shopping plan has pretty much fallen apart.  Ah well.  I can avoid everyone over Christmas and shop in January if I have to 🙂  Mr. Claire has been out of work since Thursday because he hurt his back.  He’s pretty useless to have around at the moment.  (Damnit, just remembered he won’t ever read that so I’m going to have to tell him I said it instead.  It just loses some of its effect that way.  I keep telling him I have no sympathy for his pain because he didn’t for me both times I was pregnant.  He will never live down the day he admitted he thought I was faking it during my first pregnancy.  Toerag.  I had morning sickness nearly every single day I was pregnant and a pinched nerve in my back.  It wasn’t exactly fun.

Sometimes we play argue over what hurts more and I always say nothing can beat childbirth.  But who can tell?  I’d love for just one man to get pregnant and give birth just so we can compare pain levels.  Maybe they could handle it better.  I doubt it though.  Women are pretty much preparing for it their whole lives while men tend to get shot down by a cold.  Oh, yes I can generalize.  It’s my blog.

As for the most excellent driving machine that keeps cutting out, our local mechanic was able to guess exactly what car we had just by the description of the problem yet he can’t fix it and told us to go elsewhere.  Wtf?  I was always under the impression that mechanics could solve any car problem but apparently not.  Apparently, some of them must be specialists.  Who knew?  I used to work in a place that taught mechanics.  My boss there had planned on turning me into a computer teacher but I left before I was old enough.  I know some of you are sniggering at the thoughts of me teaching computers but back then I hadn’t donated my brain cells to my children.  🙂  Isn’t it strange though how life can so quickly change?  One event made me leave that job, I wonder what I would be doing if I had stayed there.  Is there anything you’ve done that you wonder what would have happened had you made a different choice?

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Lucky Mix

Do you know what my favourite things were when I was a kid?  Okay, one of them anyway.  Lucky Bags!  They were so not worth it but I loved them!  The title just gave me a flashback of them, sorry!

 I have to say a couple of things today!  I was on Cavantucky and was directed to a Google alternative.  If you want a more Irish feel to your searches please try Doogle, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on!   Pleeeeeease take a look at it, pleeeeeease 😉

Next on the agenda is Cardiogirl!  If you haven’t already, check out her blog and take a little look and a listen to the audio comment widget.  I beg of you, leave a voice message!!  I got such a kick out of that thing yesterday, I’m lovin’ it!  I was so hyper yesterday and I still haven’t calmed down!

 I can’t even think straight now, I completely forget what I had intended to blog about.  You lucky things, you!  Erm…OH!!  Mr. Claire is sort of hinting at coming around to the baby thing, of course you all will be the first to know 😉  I don’t mind waiting a little longer for Number Three though so I won’t be mad if he still wants to wait a while.  Um…The Princess now has eight teeth, four teeth came down together, the poor little thing and The Little Man has now decided that Spiderman boxer shorts and a pink hairband are stylin’!

So, that’s all for now…if I remember what the hell I was going to post, I might do another waffle session later.  Take care everyone, hope you all have a beautiful day 😉

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