Lonely or Just Picky?

I read something in the newspaper today that surprised me and made me feel a little sad.  The word that Irish people searched for on the Internet more than any other is apparently “lonely”.  The same goes for Australia and New Zealand.  I found it intriguing that anyone would type in the word lonely, never mind most people.  Why did they use the world lonely, was it because they felt lonely and just wanted to express it, was it because they wanted to find other lonely people?  It’s a bit depressing to think that there are so many lonely people in the world.   The domain name has even been bought and turned into a singles site apparently.   It would be nice to think that some lonely people weren’t lonely anymore because of it.

 I also watched bits of the Simpsons today.  My son loves the thing.  Anyway, it was Bart’s birthday party on a Halloween episode, a certain part went something like this.

 Grandpa:  That toy is eeeeevil, I tell you, eeeeeviiiil (I like dragging things out)

Marge:   You said that about every toy!

 Grandpa:  I just want attention….

That got me thinking too.  How many people are there that need attention?  How many people feel isolated, left out and alone?  How many old people in particular live alone and crave some attention?  That annoying neighbour who keeps you talking for hours and never lets you get anything done, are they just lonely?  The elderly relative that bugs everyone to visit then monopolizes the conversation, are they simply looking for some attention?  How many of us will one day be old and desperate for some attention?

 It makes me feel exceptionally sad when I think about things like that.  I have my children to keep me company every day.  But I can admit it, there are times when I feel lonely.  My partner often says the worst thing in the world to do is to leave me alone for any length of time because that’s when I start thinking 🙂  He means it though, I could think myself into a depression if you gave me enough time alone.  I can’t help it, I just start remembering every bad thing that’s ever happened in the world.  Ever.  It’s probably why he’s always looking for things that I can do (blog, use the Internet, read, etc.) he’s constantly looking out for new things so that I never have a second to think.

Wow.

I’ve never said any of this out loud before.  I didn’t even realise I thought about it. 

Looking back I’ve probably been lonely most of my life.  Some of us are lonely because of circumstances and that could account for some of it but on the other hand, I have incredibly high standards.  I am a picky person and that’s part of the reason why I’ve been lonely in my life.  I think everyone should be honest, loyal, faithful, etc, etc, etc.  It doesn’t work that way.  My partner is the first person in my life that I’ve known their faults and accepted them that way.  I wonder how many people out there are single and lonely because they are too busy waiting for the perfect partner to see that there are many people who could grow to be their perfect partner. 

There are plenty of people whose standards aren’t high enough, believe me, I know.  There are many people I’ve met throughout my life who cling to the partner that doesn’t treat them right because they can’t stand to be alone and think that they won’t get anyone else.  When did it become unacceptable to be single?  When did having a partner become the only reasonable aim in life?  I’ve said before how distant I am with people if they get too close.  I was never interested in relationships until my partner and I sort of fell in together so I can’t really relate with the whole dating scene.   Being lonely doesn’t necessarily equate with being single.   Being single has its perks, yes, you may miss the intimacy and closeness of a relationship but you also get freedom.  FREEDOM.  Grab that with two hands you nutty man-eaters! 🙂  Really, you can be lonely when you’re with someone, you can be perfectly content and happy when you’re not.  Maybe the key is the person you yourself are at that moment. 

This is a strange mood we find me in.  Sort of melancholy, sort of standing on my soapboxy.  But again, quite a release to put random thoughts into actual words.

Moral of the story:  If you’re lonely, you’re not alone – but try not to be.  And being moderately picky probably works best 🙂

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2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    cardiogirl said,

    Sometimes I think I have too much empathy. I really do feel for the people you are describing and it can eat you up. I’m kind of in that mode right now, I am trying to pull back from my extended family and focus on my immediate family (hubby and kids). There’s just something inside of me that wants to save the sick, visit the lonely, brighten the depressed and yet it takes so much out of me.

    I’m not sure what the answer is, but I understand where you are coming from. Perhaps the entire world needs just a touch more empathy.

  2. 2

    clairec23 said,

    Maybe we do. It can hurt though. I see my aunt who has alzheimers trying to get people to listen to her and they just can’t because they’ve heard it 17 times already that day. But I feel so bad for her. Even before we knew she had alzheimers, people stopped listening. Her brother-in-law, before he passed away had to put up with the same thing. People would roll their eyes when he embarked on a story but between the two of them, they had great stories to tell, they had both accomplished a lot in their lives and all they wanted to do was share it.

    I don’t know why I’m in this mood, I’ll blame it on the weather 🙂


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