Santy Is Chasing Me, Leggit!

People keep telling me how many days and weeks it is until Christmas.  I keep ignoring them.  People are mean.  Big….meanies.  I don’t want to know it’s nearly Christmas.  I don’t want to know that I’m not prepared.  I don’t want to know that I won’t be prepared even if I start shopping now.  This very second.  It won’t make an iota of a difference.  I’m already screwed. 

 Every ad break panics me a little bit more.  In the evenings, every second ad is for a child’s toy, an expensive one, like a lifesize doll house that could realistically not fit comfortably in most homes.  My home is not most homes, a normal sized doll house wouldn’t fit in this hole.  During the day, every single ad is for a child’s toy.  I dread it when my son wants to watch Spongebob because the ads on Nickelodeon hypnotise him into a wide eyed trance only to be broken by the sound of his drool hitting the floor.

 I would spoil my son if I could.  By a lot of people’s standards he is spoiled but I mean really spoil him.  If I had the room, I would buy him a room full of toys for Christmas but the more I buy, the more his favourite toys need to move on elsewhere.  For his first Christmas, we bought everything, even though he was only 5 months old because it was his First Christmas.  For his second Christmas, we bought everything because it was the First Christmas He Could Walk.  For his third Christmas, we bought him everything because it was The Last Christmas He Would Be An Only Child.  We always find an excuse.  This year he will be three, his new sister will be 10 months at Christmas.  So, it will be her First Christmas, her First Christmas She Could Walk and his First Christmas As A Big Brother and First Christmas He Was Potty-Trained.

This puts pressure on me.  A lot of it.  Because I am the one that has to watch him every day.  And her for that matter.  I have to watch his big blue eyes light up at the sight of every single ad break, have to hear him get completely hyper because he is looking through a toy catalogue.  It is I who has to figure out what toys he likes the best when he seems to be completely, head over heels with every single one.  It’s tiring.  I always need to pick presents that aren’t too big. 

I have no idea what I’m getting my daughter.  It won’t matter because she will be only interested in the toys her brother has anyway.  I’m definitely getting her a doll of some sort because I’m pretty sick of playing trains and running around the flat pretending I’m a car.  Yes, you heard me, I play.  My son even gets me to sit on his trike while he stands in the basket/carrier thing at the back and makes me push us around.  I can’t use the pedals…I’m small but I’m not that small.  Mr. Claire has often caught my son and I looking guilty because we both know I’m far too grown up to be cycling a trike around in a tiny circle with my son whooping on the back of it.

Yesterday, we discovered that my son had broken  my digital camera.  I am upset about that because that means I won’t have one by Christmas more than likely.  But it gave me a kickass idea.  I’m going to get my son one of those kids digital cameras that you can bate off the walls and it won’t break.  It better not break anway, that’s all I’m saying.  Not looking at any toymakers in particular.  It’s perfect for his obsession with taking photos of his feet, my hair, his Thomas the Tank Engine trains and the television.  He’ll have great fun trying to take pictures of everyone during Christmas.  Hopefully not me.  Maybe I can set up some sort of drunken blackmail scheme with the help of my 3 year old and his toy camera, help pay for him to go to college.  So his “big” present will actually be something small.  Unless he discovers that sending a letter to Santy could nab him something cooler and louder and bigger and more expensive. 

I’ve already gotten a lecture from “Granny” threatening me to bring him to see Santy this year.  *Guilty Secret No. 1,000,931 – I have never brought my son to see Santy*  I’m sorry about that, I meant to but the time just started speeding up until it was already Christmas and I had no money left!  I hate when people tell me to do something that I already know I should be doing.  It does nothing but make me feel guilty.   So…I guess it serves its purpose, damnit.

Does anyone else use Feedburner by the way?  I know that’s drastically off topic but it’s pissing me the hell off.  It’s not working right at all.  Nobody’s feeds seem to be updating and if they don’t update I forget about them unless I see them around somewhere and that’s so irritating.  I end up missing out on something important, or funny, or, I don’t know, just stuff.  I like reading people’s blogs in the order they write them and I just want to know if it’s just my problem or if everyone is finding it dodgy lately. 

 By the way, Merry poxy Christmas.  🙂


4 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    yankeechick said,

    Try Google Reader for getting your updates. It is most excellent! And you best be getting that boy to see Santy this year!! Shame on you………….

  2. 2

    clairec23 said,

    Ah….the guilt….:)

    Can I put that on my own blog for people to subscribe with?? I must check it out, thanks.

  3. 3

    Andy Bailey said,

    bah humbug! I love Christmas, I used to hate it but now I start buying presents really early so when everyone else is out in a panic trying to get the last presents I just stay in my nice quiet home with a large mug of smug (and pray the prices haven’t gone down too much since I bought the presents!)

  4. 4

    clairec23 said,

    I hate people like you with your well prepared plans and relaxed month of December. How dare you be logical and sensible about Christmas? :)My ma starts buying in the January sales and keeps everything hidden away til Christmas. If I did that, I’d give everyone their gifts by March…

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