F*%k You, FAI, F*%k You…

You may have noticed the National Anthem page there on the right.  I’m going to dedicate that page to the FAI, it seems only right.  For all the readers from far away lands, football = soccer here by the way. 

Anyway, in our football Golden Years in the 90’s (led by the one and only legendary and honorary Irishman, Jackie Charlton.  Jackie, we still adore you, please come back, you’re not too old, we promise), most of our players had English accents down to the grandparent rule so most of our team didn’t have a clue what the words to the National Anthem were.  They used to move their mouths anyway; it was amusing to see who could actually sing it.  So I think a good start for the FAI would be to teach our players the words to the song, it might make our woeful performances on the pitch a little less embarrassing.

Here’s a recent enough clip of our anthem being performed at a match.   Note how our younger players have learned from the embarrassment of past Irish footballing legends and have managed to not only learn the words but to sing so loudly that it sounds like a whole football team is singing along.  Also check out our recently sacked manager, Steve Staunton.  Now, Stan the Man was a great player on the Irish team for many years yet he still doesn’t know the words.  Glutton for punishment?  Well, he did take the job as Ireland Manager with no experience and after the unpleasantness that was Mick McCarthy (who used to play Captain, then managed to single handedly drive away Roy Keane, our Godlike Captain – we all like a cheeky rogue).  That says it all really.  Now there’s talk of Andy Townsend lending a hand, not as manager you understand, no we need someone experienced.  Experienced enough to have been sacked, obviously.

So now the FAI are looking for a new manager to shame.  Shame?   Why, yes, that is the perfect word for it because Irish football is in a shambles.  I repeat, Shambles.  That shower of planks don’t know their arses from their elbows.  They are now trying to fix long standing problems with a big name.  Newsflash – it doesn’t matter who manages the team, it won’t make great players magically sprout up out of the ground. 

Think of England, where men that wear skirts sarongs and cheat on their wives with women that pleasure pigs on television can become national heroes (and villains depending on the current scapegoat) and earn unlimited amounts of money.  Now think of Ireland, where football players earn an average wage, earned by their full time jobs.  That’s right, part time footballers are two a penny here.  We need to develop the youngsters, actually properly train players and maybe one day, we will get some decent players.  Constantly.  Not just two every generation. 

Our darling little Taoiseach had his dreams of the Bertie Bowl but he was laughed at.  He is also a bit of a plank and deserves to be laughed at but in fairness a decent football stadium could have been a great starting point and a hell of a lot more useful than the Giant Syringe pretending to be art in the middle of O’Connell Street.  And definitely a lot more useful than the proposed Giant Metal Man they want to put in the River Liffey.  Think of the children…please, think of the children….   Just thinking about it pisses me off.

Anyway, I’ve forgotten my point by now but it seems like people wonder why we lose at everything.   Most countries work harder for their athletes.  I used to love football and I mean love it.  My dream was to go to an Ireland match.  I used to settle for Shels and Pats matches instead which were great craic, don’t get me wrong.  But I always wanted to see Ireland play.  Everyone did.  World Cup, Italia ’90.  I was 7.  I remember the matches, I remember the atmosphere, I remember the love.  Once Charlton went, the love sort of…faded.  People started blaming the managers.  Just for the record, Brian Kerr rocks my world 🙂

So, FAI, if you ever get your act together, maybe you’ll help out our local teams a little bit more.  Maybe if the kid’s football teams had a little bit of proper funding, they might turn out some Eircom League players and maybe the Eircom League players may turn into International football legends and maybe, just maybe, if you put a bit of effort into making Irish football what it could be, our decent players wouldn’t piss off to England to play for real money the first chance they get.

If the FAI bucked up a little, maybe the boys from Crumlin United would have more of a future than playing for Wolves reserve team, maybe Usher Celtic would win a match because they can play rather than their opponents pissing themselves for fear of scoring in case they get stabbed.    Maybe, wankers that make up the FAI, you could think about how you haven’t supported the players or the managers of the Ireland team for fear of getting shit on too.   And, I’m sorry, but how many fecking press conferences does it take you lot to actually spit something out?

In conclusion:  F*%k you FAI, we’ve had enough of your piss taking bolloxology.

 Oh, and…Up the GAA!

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9 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    bluesleepy said,

    I am woefully ignorant of the state of Irish football, or of football in general. I am a fan of both baseball and American football, and my Sundays this fall have been devoted to watching the American football games on tv. One thing I have always admired about European football fans is how much they get into it — they are always rooting on their country with all of their hearts and souls. When the US puts together a team for an international event, few people here in the States knows who’s playing on the team because their loyalty is usually to their hometown’s team.

    But to answer your question, mac n’ cheese is elbow macaroni cooked and topped with a cheese sauce. You can buy a boxed version where you just boil the macaroni and then add milk and butter to a powdered cheese sauce and mix the two together. It’s okay… but to really make the best version you have to make it from scratch and bake it in the oven. It’s reallllly good that way. Mac n’ cheese is a staple here in the US as kids’ food. There are a lot of picky kids here in the States that won’t eat much other than mac ‘n cheese.

  2. 2

    clairec23 said,

    Bluesleepy, we get into our local teams too but we’re a tiny country, we now have about 4million inhabitants so cheering on Ireland is a given 🙂 I did realise that not one of my readers would know what on earth I was talking about but I felt a need to vent. A small bit. 🙂

    Thanks for the answer on the mac and cheese thing! Not sure what elbow macaroni is (I’m presuming a certain shape of pasta) but it all sounds like a pasta bake – without the sauce. The boxed version sounds a bit gross but I think I’d probably like the homemade version though! Thanks so much for taking the time to get me up to speed!

  3. 3

    karen said,

    I admit I have no idea what you are talking about, but I’ve read around in your blog and you have some really great posts! thank you for coming to visit my blog, I hope that you enjoyed it and will come again.

  4. 4

    clairec23 said,

    Thanks Karen, we both know the great ones go unnoticed 😉 I’ll definitely be checking you out again though!

  5. 5

    Michael said,

    “Bolloxology”

    I need to be using that cool word methinks.

  6. 6

    Kate said,

    I’ve never been to an Ireland match, but once, while watching Leeds United I did narrowly avoid being hit on the head by a ball kicked by Gary Kelly.

  7. 7

    clairec23 said,

    Michael – it is an excellent word that should be used by people all over the world 🙂

    Kate – Seriously? Gary Kelly? I would love to be hit in the head by a football kicked by Gary Kelly…Really. My family all support Leeds. I did too when I was young until I decided that Liverpool were really for me. But none of us have ever been to a match in England. 😦

  8. 8

    Kate said,

    I’m a Liverpool fan! I inherited it from my grandad, although my mum says I was brainwashed. It’s Mr Blogs and Number Four and Five Sons who support Leeds, poor deluded fools. The match wasn’t that exciting. it was a pre-season friendly between Leeds (then in the premier league) and local team, Doncaster Rovers. Leeds won, although now it might be a different story.

  9. 9

    clairec23 said,

    You have excellent taste Kate 😉 I didn’t get it from anyone funnily enough, I actually secretly supported them for a while. I remember my mother slagging somebody off because they supported Liverpool and I went red and put my head down guiltily. Then my father visited us and got me a LFC mag and a pair of runners in green, white and black (the away strip colours at the time) and sort of broke the news to my mother gently. She wasn’t impressed. But she’s started to live with it now. She has to live with the shame of supporting Leeds. I like Leeds…but it’s in a pitying sort of way these days. As in, those poor sods…


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