Getting Lost at Home

Yesterday was the freakiest day ever.  We had planned on going Christmas shopping early with the kids as well as bringing them to see Santy but Mr. Claire changed his mind because the Little Man didn’t have his haircut.  Not that it would make much difference even when the child’s hair is cut it still manages to look moppy.  So at the last minute, he asked his family to babysit while we went out shopping for the kid’s toys and clothes for Christmas.  They agreed (they don’t see the kids often) so we set out on the long drive there.  They live in the next county and it usually takes about an hour and a half or two hours at most to get there.

So, we started driving, I kept saying that I had a baaaad feeling about driving that day.   The car started its new trick of cutting out every time he braked and he soon realised that the traffic was…not good.  So he does what every man I know does.  Finds a different way to go.  Why is that most men can’t sit still in a bit of traffic, they have to keep moving?  No matter how long it takes them, they won’t just sit there and wait for a couple of minutes, they have to try every single alternative option.  As long as they’re moving, they’re happy.  Even if the moving consists of reversing and turning around only to end up in the place with began!  It’s very annoying because without fail, it takes longer than it would have if we had just waited.

So after about 20minutes of ducking and diving around traffic jams, Mr. Claire decides to go a brand new way.  And gets lost.  Can I just say that it is hard to get lost between Dublin and Kildare.  I hate asking for directions but I was willing to stop by some coppers and ask them the way.  “No,” he growled back at me.  Sorrrrreeeeeee!

Eventually (after quite a few false starts) things begin to look familiar to him and we find ourselves on  the right route to Kildare.  Then the heavens decide to open.  The rain lashed down on us.  I have never been scared in a car with Mr. Claire before but I have never experienced anything like yesterday!  The cars in front were unleashing waves of puddles that were lashing against the windscreen.  You should have seen his little face concentrating.   Bless!  Mucky water continuously spraying against the windscreen does not equal safety.  And myself and the Little Man weren’t improving matters by singing, “We better run, run, run, the storm is on it’s way,” over and over and over again.  Mr. Claire retaliated by refusing to play any cd other than Garth Brooks for the whole day.  I learned my lesson…

So at about 5pm we finally got to his mother’s house.  He made us walk through mucky grass to get to her front door.  Toerag.

We dropped the kids off, as usual, the Little Man was ecstatic at getting away from me while the Princess screamed her head off and had to be forcibly removed from my person.  Free at last, Mr. Claire and I frolicked to the car jumping for joy.  We went to Newbridge and bought the most amazing clothes for the Princess.  She’s so freaking cute in them.  Not the point!  A right dozebag pulled out in the middle of the road right in front of ongoing traffic.  I thought Mr. Claire was going to get out and be all bionic man and chase the car down the road in a rage.  He was really pissed because we missed crashing into the back of that eejit’s car by inches.  A chorus of beeping made that car shoot down the road away from everyone.  We went to Naas and bought toys in Smyths.  It was a bit crap.  I’m very disappointed.  I can’t get the stupid boys version of the Little Tykes camera I planned to get him.  Everywhere only stocks poxy pink ones.  Do they think boys don’t like taking photos?  Toerags.

The dinner Mr. Claire had promised me that morning ended up being in a chipper but it was lovely so I’m not going to complain.  Anyway, we set off from Naas to Kildare Town.  From where Mr. Claire used to work to where Mr. Claire used to live.  And he managed to get lost.   Again.

I don’t fecking know how the hell he managed to get lost between Naas and Kildare Town.  I don’t know how many miles apart they are but they are close and it’s like one straight road through!  Even I know my way and I am shit at directions!!  We ended up on this long arse road that went on FOREVER.  In the wrong direction.  I started getting the feeling that we would never see our children again.  He had this horrible look on his face that plainly said, “please don’t start bitching at me right now, please!”

We eventually get ourselves off that road and discover we are miles in the wrong direction but at least we can find our way back.  So we drive through all of these poxy, bendy, twisty lanes with no light whatsoever and what does the fecking car do?  Keep cutting out, leaving us for a couple of seconds each time in the pitch black!  It was scary shit.  Mr. Claire is a great driver and managed to avoid crashing but it was a close call a good few times yesterday!  If I had been in the car with anyone else, I would have gotten out and walked.  I have never been scared in the car with Mr. Claire before but disaster was chasing us yesterday!

 We got back to the kids in one piece.  His family wouldn’t even believe me that he had gotten lost in Naas.  It’s seriously unbelieveable…Then when we had arrived home, his brother rang to see if we were okay because a truck had overturned on the road we had just driven down.  All in all, a creepy day!  All that to get some bloody Christmas shopping done!  We got home at around 11pm, exhausted.   But at least we’ve started getting things in for Christmas.  We got our boxes of biscuits and tins of chocolates as well as our boxes of crisps.  It wouldn’t be Christmas without those! 


35 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    cardiogirl said,

    Hey what are crisps? Potato chips?

    Favorite lines today have to be:

    “So at about 5pm we finally got to his mother’s house. He made us walk through mucky grass to get to her front door. Toerag.”

  2. 2

    clairec23 said,

    Yep our crisps are your chips. Our chips are your fries. I really don’t know why we have to be so different all of the time 😉

    He was a toerag for that. I asked him to park around the back and he forgot and just went through the grass anyway, it was really slippy and I’m clumsy at the best of times so there was a good chance I was going to fall on my arse! Then I had to walk through his mother’s house leaving a trail of muck behind me. She already hates me! I don’t need more ways to aggravate her!!

  3. 3

    He he I knew Cardiogirl would love that line!

    I need to do some Christmas shopping sharpish!

  4. 4

    clairec23 said,

    You really do guilty because otherwise it gives me a license to point and laugh and say HA! I’m more prepared than you! NaNa! 😛

  5. 5

    Aimee said,

    I am glad you made it okay! That sounds scary…especially the whole Garth Brooks part! Yikes.

  6. 6

    clairec23 said,

    Aimee that was the scariest bit of the whole day 🙂

  7. 7

    Susan said,

    Men. What are they like?

    We went on holiday to County Clare a few years back and I had the map; when we got to the main road I told him we could drive straight through, no turns, for the next three counties.

    Straight, I said.

    No turns, I said.

    He made it to the first crossroads, AND TURNED RIGHT. I couldn’t believe it. He gets lost in the Curry’s car park, what can you do?


  8. 8

    clairec23 said,

    Susan, I knew you would understand! Maybe it’s just Irish men, I don’t know. I now refuse to hold maps because he just won’t listen! I make the directions as clear as possible but he just can’t help himself, he has to go the way he wants in the end! It’s like a disease, for real…

    Ha at getting lost in the carpark, the first time we ever drove to Blanchardstown shopping centre, he couldn’t find where he parked the car for twenty minutes then on the drive home he went in a huge circle and we ended up back in Blachardstown shopping centre half an hour later. Let’s say it together.


  9. 9

    bluesleepy said,

    Hey, I like Garth Brooks!! 😛 But not all the time. Just a few songs.

    Hehehe… I guess Irish men aren’t that different from American men. The running joke here is a real man won’t stop to ask for directions!!!

  10. 10

    clairec23 said,

    Hey Blue! Mr. Claire loves him, and I mean loves him. Liam can barely talk but he can sing I Shall Be Free (or whatever the hell it’s called!) no bother!

    hehe, then I suppose Mr. Claire is the most real man in the world after yesterday!

  11. 11

    bluesleepy said,

    My personal fave is “Ain’t Goin’ Down Till the Sun Comes Up.”

    Garth Brooks did a concert for sailors right after Sept 11th happened, and it was down at the Navy base near where I was living in VA. I was driving around and actually saw the concert from another bridge. I couldn’t see anything other than the ships all lit up, but that was still pretty cool.

  12. 12

    clairec23 said,

    That’s amazing. I don’t like him so much but I do appreciate that his concerts are fun. And free would just make it excellent 😉 I bought Mr. Claire the dvd set last Christmas and there is a concert that was held down the road from me years ago (although I didn’t live there then) it looked like a lot of fun and it was packed out. Mr. Claire is praying that he has another concert over here because we’d be able to hear it from my place.

  13. 13

    bluesleepy said,

    Did you hear about that whole Chris Gaines thing that Garth Brooks tried doing?? Here’s the link on that. It was soooooooooooooo goofy. And it totally flopped. Completely and utterly.

    PS — I have recorded over at CG’s place. I sound so… goofy. LOL Enjoy.

  14. 14

    clairec23 said,

    I just heard ya!! You do NOT sound goofy! Nobody can top my loseresque touch alright 😉 That was so much fun, you have a really nice voice!!

    Going to look at that link now, I hadn’t heard about it!

  15. 15

    bluesleepy said,

    PS — You sound like you belong on that show “Ballykissangel.” I was a die-hard fan of it when it came on BBC America here; it was the one show I DID NOT MISS. I even taped it. Hehe.

    They don’t play it anymore. :o(

  16. 16

    clairec23 said,

    Omg, I can’t believe you just said that!!!! I’m shamed now, apparently that’s a comedy now, I never watched it though. Colin Farrell used to be in it as a little scruff, yeah?

    Just read the Chris Gaines thingy, how wierd is that? And embarrassing…it sounds disastrous!

  17. 17

    clairec23 said,

    PS – I find it really wierd that an American would bother to tape shows like that and watch it! I wish you all only saw cool shows like Father Ted 😉 Look at me saying shows when I should be saying programmes, I’m losing my Irishness!!!!!

  18. 18

    bluesleepy said,

    LOL shows vs programmes!! Y’all even SPELL it wrong — it’s “programs.” ROFL just teasing

    I loved Ballykissangel. It was much better than the American soap operas. Although I must admit, for the first few shows, I had no idea what the hell these people were saying. And even after watching it faithfully for a while, there were still some characters that I had NO IDEA what they said.

    Oh I see Colin Farrell was in it. Is it bad that while I recognize the name, I don’t really KNOW who Colin Farrell is??? Naughty me.

  19. 19

    clairec23 said,

    😛 We never spell anything wrong. I’m surprised you could understand any of them to be honest, I can’t even understand Mr. Claire’s relatives and they live in the next county to me!

    I thought that he was huge in America, is there any Irish actors that are really widely known? Can’t believe you don’t know him, I left you a link, now you have no excuse 😉

  20. 20

    bluesleepy said,

    Oh I looked him up after I posted that comment — the exact same link, in fact. See, I don’t watch those kinds of movies, so that’s why I don’t know him. He IS huge here. I just live under a rock.

    That, and I keep getting him confused with Will Ferrell, which is just WRONG, but hey, my brain is kind of screwy. LOL

    Dude, we should just IM. I’m spamming your comments again LOL

  21. 21

    clairec23 said,

    I don’t mind, it makes me look popular 😉 *evil laughter*

    I really need like a chatroom or something for my blog, hehe that would be cool, in theory, realistically it would just be me on my own in an empty online room for most of the day 🙂

    That is WRONG, by the way, very wrong indeed. Will Ferrell is kind of funny looking,not that I think Colin Farrell is a sex god or anything.

  22. 22

    bluesleepy said,

    I know it’s wrong. I know it’s so very wrong. But it happens. *sigh*

    And yes, Will Ferrell IS funny looking. And not Irish. Colin Farrell is hot. And Irish.

    Totally different. ;o)

  23. 23

    clairec23 said,

    All Irish people are…didn’t you know that already? 😉 I am just kidding by the way, apparently, we’re all ugly, 23rd or something on the list of hot countries. America was in the top ten…’twas a sad day for Ireland…

  24. 24

    bluesleepy said,

    the US scores so high because the entire state of California (at least the southern half, anyhow) is all surgically enhanced to be gorgeously perfect, and they tan all year round. Most of us aren’t quite so pleasing to the eye. I’m only fair-to-middlin’ myself. 😀

  25. 25

    clairec23 said,

    That’s good to know because I swear that young Irish men think that all Americans could be on Baywatch. *rolls eyes dramatically* I wouldn’t be into that all year tan, perfect gorgeous body, never age a day look myself ;P

  26. 26

    Ms. Karen said,

    I guess I’m fortunate because I can drive well, but as a navigator, I make an excellent cook. Himself, on the other hand, is an excellent navigator, and he’s not bad behind the wheel. But when he’s driving, no one knows where we’re going, so…

    We visited Ireland back in 2001 and I did all the driving. It was wonderful, even though the car we had was…um… not. We did discover the secret to getting through the sheep on our way to Carna. Since they don’t even blink if you honk the horn, we rolled down the windows and either barked or bleat at them. Got them scurrying off the road right away.

  27. 27

    clairec23 said,

    Interesting way to deal with the sheep Ms. Karen! I’ll have to remember that one the next time they won’t get out of the road. Mr. Claire’s family home is pretty much in sheep territory, he tells me they used to wake up in the morning with sheep in the front garden…I don’t think I’d like that much 🙂

  28. 28

    Elle said,

    What a day you had! What IS it with men and cars and getting lost and not wanting to ask directions? Testosterone poisoning. It’s a damn shame.

    Oh, and by the way, not getting Little Man a camera might be for the best. I got Max one for his birthday in Oct. and all he has wanted to do is take candid shots of my BUTT. This is not pretty.

  29. 29

    bluesleepy said,

    Uh oh……. I know my daughter is getting a camera for Christmas. Now after reading Elle’s comment, I am thinking maybe it wasn’t such a good idea!!! 😀

  30. 30

    bluesleepy said,

    PS — I was showing Kurt this whole conversation (cuz it’s funny, doncha know), and he said he gets Colin Farrell mixed up with Colin Firth.

    Now don’t hate him just because he gets mistakes an Englishman for an Irishman. LOL

  31. 31

    clairec23 said,

    Oh dear, Elle…I hadn’t even thought of that! The reason why I wanted to get Liam one is because he’s always taking pictures of either his feet or closeups of my face with my digital camera (before he broke it…) and for some reason, I thought this would be the answer. I can see now that I didn’t think this through!!

    Blue, tell Kurt I’m going to have to burst him now for that. When we were kids we used to say, I’ll burst you ya smelly rocker! It’s okay though, of all the Englishmen he could have confused him with, Colin Firth is one I like. He’s all…gentlemanly. So, that’s another reason why it would be wierd to confuse the two!!

  32. 32

    AntiBarbie said,

    Why is it that men will never ask for directions no matter how lost they get?! Ugh! Although the man I have now will actually do it which I find amazing. He’s the only one I’ve ever known.

    And there aren’t very many BayWatch looking babes running around these parts of the states ether, although my Sister could be a contender. 😉

  33. 33

    clairec23 said,

    I think it must be some sort of wierd testosterone macho thing that we will never understand. I’ve never seen a Baywatch looking babe in real life before, trust me!

  34. 34

    melbs1969 said,

    my husband stops and makes me get out, to ask for directions! at least he stops, though! t

  35. 35

    clairec23 said,

    That’s something at least, Mel. Although he loses points for making you get out and ask!!

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