Archive for life

I Hate Jokers

I’m not a big fan of practical jokes.  I like jokes.  Just not practical ones.  That’s why it’s so surprising that myself and Mr. Claire ever got together.  He is a giant child.  He jumps out at me from behind doors to scare me.  Leaves fake spiders lying around.  Gets all imaginative and constantly thinks of new ways to freak me out.  He also lies.  He tells me stories and I go, seriously?  And he laughs, saying, no, of course not!  Arsehole.

Thinking back to our first few months together, I really don’t know how I put up with him.  One day he rang me up in a really weak, pathetic voice and told me he had been knocked down by a car on his way to work and was in hospital.  I was completely freaked out and he waited until I was on my way out the door to visit him before he started laughing his bollox off.  Toerag.

On our first day…I must tell you that story sometime, it’s an odd one…we had been to the pictures and erm, got together before having something to eat together.  He was in work that night so we didn’t have long left together.  I was 19 at the time.  He puts on this really guilty looking face and stares at me.

 “Claire…”

 “What?”

“I have something to tell you…”

Uh-Oh.  “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.  But.  I’m only 16.”

“Excuse me, what did you just say?”

“I’m only 16…”

“Are you taking the piss?”

He shakes his head mournfully.  I throw up in my mouth a little.

“What?   WHAT?!”

“I”m sorry…”

 I have tears in my eyes at this stage.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were only 16?!”

“Everybody lies about their age.  I thought you did too.  Are you sure you’re 19?  You look very young.”

I showed him my i.d.  I kept waiting for him to say it was a joke.  But he didn’t.  And all I could think of was, he can’t be 16, he has man hands!  I felt so sick.  I was crying.  He had this wierd look on his face and I didn’t know what to do.  16?  Gross!!  I can’t express just how horrified I was.  My younger brother was 16.  He had lots of 16 year old friends.  The thoughts of going out with someone that age was completely sickening.  He had to go so I walked him to his bus stop because I couldn’t let a kid wander around town alone, right?

We get to the bus stop and he starts laughing.  He falls around the place laughing.  There is such a look of unbridled glee on his face that I just stand there in silence waiting for him to finish.  “I’m not 16, you idiot!  Haha the look on your face!  That was classic!”

I tried to glare at him, tried to force myself to punch him in the face but the truth was I was so relieved that I hadn’t gone out with a 16 year old that I couldn’t be angry at him.  Although I did make him show me his i.d.  I never really believed that he was 19 until I saw his passport a year later.  Only then did I really feel secure about it 😉  For the record, he loves reminding me of that story, telling other people about that story and claiming that he is my toyboy.  He’s younger than me by five months and that story still makes me feel sick…He’s such an arsehole 🙂

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Moving House In Pain

Yesterday, myself and Mr. Claire were talking and on the spur of the moment, without thinking even five minutes into the future, he got me hosting and the like.  I spent the whole day looking at a complete copy of this blog on the wrong another domain name and contemplated if I really should move house.  Just to point out, I had no clue what I was doing and did things the long, hard, wrong way.  Obviously.  This is me.  He kept saying to me, we’ll get somebody to do it for you.  I’m stubborn.  I don’t like that kind of help.   Regardless of this, it just didn’t feel right.  So eventually, I decided to stay here and use the hosting and the like to learn how to do everything myself with a test site.  I’m an idiot.  I know this.  I hate when things aren’t perfect and I hate when I don’t feel at home.  I can’t read my posts over because I know I’ll just edit them constantly.  Isn’t that sad?  And I won’t comment on a blog more than once that doesn’t feel…comfy.  I have a wierd mind sometimes, I admit it.

 So, basically, I wanted to tell you that I made a decision that will make absolutely no difference to your lives 🙂

It is now the 10th of December and my carefully thought out Christmas shopping plan has pretty much fallen apart.  Ah well.  I can avoid everyone over Christmas and shop in January if I have to 🙂  Mr. Claire has been out of work since Thursday because he hurt his back.  He’s pretty useless to have around at the moment.  (Damnit, just remembered he won’t ever read that so I’m going to have to tell him I said it instead.  It just loses some of its effect that way.  I keep telling him I have no sympathy for his pain because he didn’t for me both times I was pregnant.  He will never live down the day he admitted he thought I was faking it during my first pregnancy.  Toerag.  I had morning sickness nearly every single day I was pregnant and a pinched nerve in my back.  It wasn’t exactly fun.

Sometimes we play argue over what hurts more and I always say nothing can beat childbirth.  But who can tell?  I’d love for just one man to get pregnant and give birth just so we can compare pain levels.  Maybe they could handle it better.  I doubt it though.  Women are pretty much preparing for it their whole lives while men tend to get shot down by a cold.  Oh, yes I can generalize.  It’s my blog.

As for the most excellent driving machine that keeps cutting out, our local mechanic was able to guess exactly what car we had just by the description of the problem yet he can’t fix it and told us to go elsewhere.  Wtf?  I was always under the impression that mechanics could solve any car problem but apparently not.  Apparently, some of them must be specialists.  Who knew?  I used to work in a place that taught mechanics.  My boss there had planned on turning me into a computer teacher but I left before I was old enough.  I know some of you are sniggering at the thoughts of me teaching computers but back then I hadn’t donated my brain cells to my children.  🙂  Isn’t it strange though how life can so quickly change?  One event made me leave that job, I wonder what I would be doing if I had stayed there.  Is there anything you’ve done that you wonder what would have happened had you made a different choice?

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Lonely or Just Picky?

I read something in the newspaper today that surprised me and made me feel a little sad.  The word that Irish people searched for on the Internet more than any other is apparently “lonely”.  The same goes for Australia and New Zealand.  I found it intriguing that anyone would type in the word lonely, never mind most people.  Why did they use the world lonely, was it because they felt lonely and just wanted to express it, was it because they wanted to find other lonely people?  It’s a bit depressing to think that there are so many lonely people in the world.   The domain name has even been bought and turned into a singles site apparently.   It would be nice to think that some lonely people weren’t lonely anymore because of it.

 I also watched bits of the Simpsons today.  My son loves the thing.  Anyway, it was Bart’s birthday party on a Halloween episode, a certain part went something like this.

 Grandpa:  That toy is eeeeevil, I tell you, eeeeeviiiil (I like dragging things out)

Marge:   You said that about every toy!

 Grandpa:  I just want attention….

That got me thinking too.  How many people are there that need attention?  How many people feel isolated, left out and alone?  How many old people in particular live alone and crave some attention?  That annoying neighbour who keeps you talking for hours and never lets you get anything done, are they just lonely?  The elderly relative that bugs everyone to visit then monopolizes the conversation, are they simply looking for some attention?  How many of us will one day be old and desperate for some attention?

 It makes me feel exceptionally sad when I think about things like that.  I have my children to keep me company every day.  But I can admit it, there are times when I feel lonely.  My partner often says the worst thing in the world to do is to leave me alone for any length of time because that’s when I start thinking 🙂  He means it though, I could think myself into a depression if you gave me enough time alone.  I can’t help it, I just start remembering every bad thing that’s ever happened in the world.  Ever.  It’s probably why he’s always looking for things that I can do (blog, use the Internet, read, etc.) he’s constantly looking out for new things so that I never have a second to think.

Wow.

I’ve never said any of this out loud before.  I didn’t even realise I thought about it. 

Looking back I’ve probably been lonely most of my life.  Some of us are lonely because of circumstances and that could account for some of it but on the other hand, I have incredibly high standards.  I am a picky person and that’s part of the reason why I’ve been lonely in my life.  I think everyone should be honest, loyal, faithful, etc, etc, etc.  It doesn’t work that way.  My partner is the first person in my life that I’ve known their faults and accepted them that way.  I wonder how many people out there are single and lonely because they are too busy waiting for the perfect partner to see that there are many people who could grow to be their perfect partner. 

There are plenty of people whose standards aren’t high enough, believe me, I know.  There are many people I’ve met throughout my life who cling to the partner that doesn’t treat them right because they can’t stand to be alone and think that they won’t get anyone else.  When did it become unacceptable to be single?  When did having a partner become the only reasonable aim in life?  I’ve said before how distant I am with people if they get too close.  I was never interested in relationships until my partner and I sort of fell in together so I can’t really relate with the whole dating scene.   Being lonely doesn’t necessarily equate with being single.   Being single has its perks, yes, you may miss the intimacy and closeness of a relationship but you also get freedom.  FREEDOM.  Grab that with two hands you nutty man-eaters! 🙂  Really, you can be lonely when you’re with someone, you can be perfectly content and happy when you’re not.  Maybe the key is the person you yourself are at that moment. 

This is a strange mood we find me in.  Sort of melancholy, sort of standing on my soapboxy.  But again, quite a release to put random thoughts into actual words.

Moral of the story:  If you’re lonely, you’re not alone – but try not to be.  And being moderately picky probably works best 🙂

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