Archive for love

I Hate Jokers

I’m not a big fan of practical jokes.  I like jokes.  Just not practical ones.  That’s why it’s so surprising that myself and Mr. Claire ever got together.  He is a giant child.  He jumps out at me from behind doors to scare me.  Leaves fake spiders lying around.  Gets all imaginative and constantly thinks of new ways to freak me out.  He also lies.  He tells me stories and I go, seriously?  And he laughs, saying, no, of course not!  Arsehole.

Thinking back to our first few months together, I really don’t know how I put up with him.  One day he rang me up in a really weak, pathetic voice and told me he had been knocked down by a car on his way to work and was in hospital.  I was completely freaked out and he waited until I was on my way out the door to visit him before he started laughing his bollox off.  Toerag.

On our first day…I must tell you that story sometime, it’s an odd one…we had been to the pictures and erm, got together before having something to eat together.  He was in work that night so we didn’t have long left together.  I was 19 at the time.  He puts on this really guilty looking face and stares at me.



“I have something to tell you…”

Uh-Oh.  “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.  But.  I’m only 16.”

“Excuse me, what did you just say?”

“I’m only 16…”

“Are you taking the piss?”

He shakes his head mournfully.  I throw up in my mouth a little.

“What?   WHAT?!”

“I”m sorry…”

 I have tears in my eyes at this stage.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were only 16?!”

“Everybody lies about their age.  I thought you did too.  Are you sure you’re 19?  You look very young.”

I showed him my i.d.  I kept waiting for him to say it was a joke.  But he didn’t.  And all I could think of was, he can’t be 16, he has man hands!  I felt so sick.  I was crying.  He had this wierd look on his face and I didn’t know what to do.  16?  Gross!!  I can’t express just how horrified I was.  My younger brother was 16.  He had lots of 16 year old friends.  The thoughts of going out with someone that age was completely sickening.  He had to go so I walked him to his bus stop because I couldn’t let a kid wander around town alone, right?

We get to the bus stop and he starts laughing.  He falls around the place laughing.  There is such a look of unbridled glee on his face that I just stand there in silence waiting for him to finish.  “I’m not 16, you idiot!  Haha the look on your face!  That was classic!”

I tried to glare at him, tried to force myself to punch him in the face but the truth was I was so relieved that I hadn’t gone out with a 16 year old that I couldn’t be angry at him.  Although I did make him show me his i.d.  I never really believed that he was 19 until I saw his passport a year later.  Only then did I really feel secure about it 😉  For the record, he loves reminding me of that story, telling other people about that story and claiming that he is my toyboy.  He’s younger than me by five months and that story still makes me feel sick…He’s such an arsehole 🙂


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5th Anniversary

Yesterday was my fifth anniversary.  Seems like I’ve been pregnant for half of it 🙂

It got me thinking about when we met.  I knew straight off I would be with him for a long time but what if he hadn’t felt the same?  Where would I be now?  I don’t know if I believe in fate but if one small thing changed, I may never have met the father of my children, I would never have had my children, I’d be a completely different person.  It’s kinda scary thinking about how something small could have changed everything.

He often tells me how he used to be before he met me.  He met up with people he had been talking to online or had gotten in contact with through a wrong number a lot.  He would arrange to meet up with these girls, check them out from the distance and leave if he didn’t like what he saw.  He would text the girl saying something like thanks for being late, I’m not talking to you now and she would never hear from him again.  I know, what a tosser he was back then.

 If he did that to me, I would have been sick, that’s pretty awful.  But say that did happen with us, I dread to think how my life would be now.  I don’t think I would have children.  I’d probably be working and living alone.  I don’t know why he suddenly changed when he met me, maybe he got tired of messing around and wanted something more.  I know that I changed too.  I hated getting close to people before that, I never gave anyone second chances, I didn’t like seeing the same people every single day.   Then I met him and suddenly I was prepared to let him have the last word (sometimes) and we have rarely been apart ever since. 

It sounds strange now I’m saying it but it does seem like it was meant to be.  Right place, right time, right person…Everything has worked out, even the bad things that happened along the way.  I was with him for less than a year when a friend of mine committed suicide.  I didn’t take it well and if it hadn’t been for him, I don’t think I would have gotten through it.  Nobody else knew what to do with me, that’s for sure! 🙂  I’ll stop being sappy now, I’ll just say I’m thankful for fate, destiny, guardian angels, whatever or whoever it was that led us on the same path.

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