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The Consequences of Death and Cocaine

I promised myself that I wouldn’t write about this but I can’t get away from it.  Everywhere I turn is overflowing with it so now it’s my turn.   Just to start you off I’m going to let you know how I already felt about it.  Most of you probably already know just how against drugs I am, cocaine in particular.  For various reasons, here are a couple of them.  My best friend ruined my life by suddenly committing suicide because he owed money from drugs he was supposed to sell.  He didn’t even take drugs himself.  I didn’t even know he was selling.  He was the happiest person I knew (or so I thought) and I’m so mad at him for wasting his life for a scumbag dealer.  I’ve never gotten over it.  One of my very good friends ruined her own life by taking drugs before she knew she was pregnant and eventually lost the baby that should have been my godchild.  She will never get over that.  Her dealer boyfriend threatened to burn my house down and cut my brother’s head off because she went out one night without him and he got high and wrongly thought she was with me.  I know young fathers who have been taken to the mountains, had their tattoos cut off and shot in the back of the head because they got caught selling (and therefore lost) the drugs that were going to make them a little money for their family at Christmas.  I know the devastated mothers, girlfriends and fatherless children left behind.  They will never get over it.

I’m caught in the middle because I know the families of the people that snorted cocaine and then decided to pull those triggers.   I have to be careful who I invite to special occasions because it could turn into a fucking bloodbath if somebody turns up and spots the father of the man who murdered his brother.  I’ve been asked so many questions because people are looking for vengeance…and I don’t blame them but hurting innocent people in retaliation is never the way. 

I’ve been threatened a million times by people who are only brave because they are on coke that night.  I’m not afraid of anyone.  Nobody scares me but I should be scared because they aren’t afraid either – as long as they are snorting.  Anything can happen then.  There was a report before that said most gun crime was committed while the person was high on coke.  I well believe it.   And that’s even before the health risks both physical and mental.  People can die almost instantly, they can be poisoned by what the coke is cut with, they can die after a couple of years, they can die because of the continued stress on their hearts, their personalities can change, they can appear psychopathic even sociopathic, becoming emotionless and aggressive. 

I don’t really give a shit if this sounds like I’m standing on my soapbox.  I don’t give two fucks.  Yeah I’ve had bad experiences, so what?  What about the people that I don’t know personally?  What about that party where a couple of cokeheads were refused entry only for them to come back and shoot through the windows killing a 21 year old mother?  What about the innocent people that get shot because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time?  It’s one thing when the scumbags are only killing each other but now it could happen to anyone.  Bump into somebody on the street and who knows what could happen these days.  Drugs are involved in everything now.   It’s slowly eating away at my country once again.  It’s no longer the poor areas either.  Everywhere is getting a look in.  Anyone could be touched by it.

So, after that unexpected rant, this is what my actual post is really about!  Yesterday was the funeral of one of Ireland’s most well known models, Katy French.  She recently turned 24, a week before she died she admitted that she had been taking cocaine for the past five years but that sort of life was over for her.  She warned people of the risks of taking cocaine.  A couple of days later she was in a coma.  Of course the media (and everyone else) jumped on the idea that she died from cocaine use.  She had a series of small heart attacks and her body basically couldn’t keep going from the stress.  I think it’s terrible that people made these assumptions before her family could even start to cope with the idea.  It has been said that traces of cocaine were found in her blood but even if she hadn’t taken it that day or night, her heart had still been weakened from five years of use.  People are wondering why she said she was done with cocaine only a couple of days before this but I’m sure she thought she was.

I have to back up a bit here.  This year in particular, the focus is on cocaine use in Ireland.   Please read that article to really understand what it is like here.  There has been a huge effort to bring awareness to the dangers.  In the last week alone an investigation came to light that said cocaine traces was found in over 90% of the toilets of pubs, clubs and workplaces in Ireland.  Read that article to learn more about Katy and recent events.  Every single day in the newspapers and on the news are warning articles and items about the epidemic of cocaine in Ireland.  A couple of weeks before Katy French came into the picture, there was an incident at a party where cocaine use left a couple of people in comas which turned out to be fatal. 

Ireland has a population of around four million people.  Four million people.  That’s a very small number in comparison to most countries.  For a couple of people to die in the one week from using cocaine makes a huge impact.  Or at least it should.  But it didn’t.  Those men in Waterford died and nobody batted an eyelid.  Gangland heads are getting shot over here on a regular basis and nobody cares.  I’ve heard people say about that party in Waterford things like, “ah, it was only a bad batch.”  Wtf, your next line could be a ‘bad batch” you gobshite!  Oh, but wait…the toxicology reports on Katy French have said that the last cocaine she snorted was pure.  What was that about bad batches?

I’m getting to my point, stay with me here…So we all know what the dangers are.  It’s thrown in our face constantly by the media.  I mean there is a concentrated effort on informing people.  Not just the possible instant effects but the long term effects too.  Katy warned people about them before she died.  But nobody cares.  Why is that?  Nobody wants to know.  Nobody wants to hear it.  Nobody wants to hear about the consequences.  Until now.  Until a pretty, blonde, famous model has her life snuffed out.  Suddenly, everybody is shocked.  I’ve even heard people say that it’s put them off touching cocaine for life.  This is the consequence of her death.  This is what it took for people to pay attention.  A young girl had to die for people to sit up and listen.   I hate that it has to be this way and I hate saying this but if it saved one person’s life then she didn’t die for nothing.  I feel so sorry for her family and the families of everybody else that is left behind.  But I can’t feel sorry for people who take drugs.  They know exactly what they are doing and they are doing it to themselves.   I hate that but not as much as I hate the people getting them hooked.

Can I just say that I have NEVER once been offered cocaine.  By anyone.  I have never been offered any kind of drugs except hash in the pub and once a school friend of mine asked me to split an E with her.  Other than that, nobody has ever tried to get me to take drugs.  That says one of two things to me.  Either they know by the look of me that they’ll be on the receiving end of a box in the mouth 🙂 or people have to go looking for it.  People who actually know me already know that they won’t be spending time with me if they are off their heads on coke.  Just for the record Ireland is supposed to one of the top cocaine using countries in Europe and one of the cheapest.  It’s freely available to those who want it and people from all walks of life use it.  If my children grow up to use it I will be both devastated and ashamed.  My heart would break if my children took drugs, I don’t know what I would do. 

I’m glad that young people in particular are taking notice of what could happen but I wonder how long it will last.   There has been such a flood of awareness over the last week, it’s been amazing but that kind of attention can’t be maintained.  So we will all probably be reading about more young dead people over the holidays.  Isn’t life great?

I know this is a horrible post but I don’t really care.  I’m sick of the whole thing and I feel better after writing it.  I know that what I say doesn’t change anything for anyone else in this world.  But I feel relieved now for getting it off my chest.  It pisses me off when young people with severe health problems would love to have the chance at life that so many people are wasting.  I’ve depressed myself, I might do a meme later to cheer myself up 😉

 Edit:  I just read this and thought you might like a less hysterical calmer point of view 😉


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Lonely or Just Picky?

I read something in the newspaper today that surprised me and made me feel a little sad.  The word that Irish people searched for on the Internet more than any other is apparently “lonely”.  The same goes for Australia and New Zealand.  I found it intriguing that anyone would type in the word lonely, never mind most people.  Why did they use the world lonely, was it because they felt lonely and just wanted to express it, was it because they wanted to find other lonely people?  It’s a bit depressing to think that there are so many lonely people in the world.   The domain name has even been bought and turned into a singles site apparently.   It would be nice to think that some lonely people weren’t lonely anymore because of it.

 I also watched bits of the Simpsons today.  My son loves the thing.  Anyway, it was Bart’s birthday party on a Halloween episode, a certain part went something like this.

 Grandpa:  That toy is eeeeevil, I tell you, eeeeeviiiil (I like dragging things out)

Marge:   You said that about every toy!

 Grandpa:  I just want attention….

That got me thinking too.  How many people are there that need attention?  How many people feel isolated, left out and alone?  How many old people in particular live alone and crave some attention?  That annoying neighbour who keeps you talking for hours and never lets you get anything done, are they just lonely?  The elderly relative that bugs everyone to visit then monopolizes the conversation, are they simply looking for some attention?  How many of us will one day be old and desperate for some attention?

 It makes me feel exceptionally sad when I think about things like that.  I have my children to keep me company every day.  But I can admit it, there are times when I feel lonely.  My partner often says the worst thing in the world to do is to leave me alone for any length of time because that’s when I start thinking 🙂  He means it though, I could think myself into a depression if you gave me enough time alone.  I can’t help it, I just start remembering every bad thing that’s ever happened in the world.  Ever.  It’s probably why he’s always looking for things that I can do (blog, use the Internet, read, etc.) he’s constantly looking out for new things so that I never have a second to think.


I’ve never said any of this out loud before.  I didn’t even realise I thought about it. 

Looking back I’ve probably been lonely most of my life.  Some of us are lonely because of circumstances and that could account for some of it but on the other hand, I have incredibly high standards.  I am a picky person and that’s part of the reason why I’ve been lonely in my life.  I think everyone should be honest, loyal, faithful, etc, etc, etc.  It doesn’t work that way.  My partner is the first person in my life that I’ve known their faults and accepted them that way.  I wonder how many people out there are single and lonely because they are too busy waiting for the perfect partner to see that there are many people who could grow to be their perfect partner. 

There are plenty of people whose standards aren’t high enough, believe me, I know.  There are many people I’ve met throughout my life who cling to the partner that doesn’t treat them right because they can’t stand to be alone and think that they won’t get anyone else.  When did it become unacceptable to be single?  When did having a partner become the only reasonable aim in life?  I’ve said before how distant I am with people if they get too close.  I was never interested in relationships until my partner and I sort of fell in together so I can’t really relate with the whole dating scene.   Being lonely doesn’t necessarily equate with being single.   Being single has its perks, yes, you may miss the intimacy and closeness of a relationship but you also get freedom.  FREEDOM.  Grab that with two hands you nutty man-eaters! 🙂  Really, you can be lonely when you’re with someone, you can be perfectly content and happy when you’re not.  Maybe the key is the person you yourself are at that moment. 

This is a strange mood we find me in.  Sort of melancholy, sort of standing on my soapboxy.  But again, quite a release to put random thoughts into actual words.

Moral of the story:  If you’re lonely, you’re not alone – but try not to be.  And being moderately picky probably works best 🙂

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