Archive for rant

I.Q Tests

Having mentioned recently that I felt like I was stupider…since I had children, I decided to put it to the test and take an I.Q. test.  In fairness, I did a free one online so it doesn’t really count but I was disgusted surprised by the results.  I am stupider!!!  I mean, more stupid….or something…I took an I.Q. test (can’t remember which one, Mensa or Stanford-Binet, doesn’t really matter) before I had children when I was about 19 or 20, I scored quite high in the gifted zone.  Shocking, I know…but before you faint, my recent test revealed I was now in the above average percentage…and very barely at that.  What I mean is, I guessed a lot fluked getting into that category, trust me!  Plus they say that online tests are overly generous with their scores so I dread to think how little my brain cells are worth these days!

My scores were then divided into categories.  Apparently I scored highly in both verbal communication and short term memory.  Um…I can’t verbally communicate with anyone and I have absolutely no short term memory to speak of.  Something is very wrong here…Although people good at this crap are meant to be good at things like writing so woo!   I scored shockingly low in the Mathematics section.  That’s scary because once upon a time I was very good at Maths.  My old Math teacher would be furious that it’s now my poorest area because she used to pride herself that Maths was best subject.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was wrong, sorry Miss!!

Why does this happen?  Is it because I’m now only using my brain to learn Tweenie songs, Wiggles Dance Routines and Hi5 skits?  Is it because I don’t test my brain beyond the realm of blogging?  Why has intelligence forsaken me, why?!  I have to admit that of all the things that happen when you are a parent, it’s the stupidity that gets to me the most.  I hate feeling stupid.  I hate that my brain doesn’t work as fast as it used to.  It’s like it hit it’s peak in my teens and after that it’s been downhill.  I’ve always been great at grammar, spelling and punctuation, give it to me straight, my writing is a load of bollox now, isn’t it?  I feel like this is how senility must kick in except a billion times worse.  I don’t want to live through that, seriously.  I’m having a hard enough time as it is coping with not being able to string a coherant sentence together without that on my shoulders too.   I used to be smart.  I used to know a lot.  What the hell happened to me?!  Oh, yes, that’s right, I had two kids and apparently donated my brain to them…

I don’t read as much as I used to because I can’t take in as much unless the words are seriously enthralling.  I can’t remember what people tell me.  I can’t take in simple information easily.  I space out…a lot!  I constantly repeat myself and forget who told me what, leading to a lot of repetitive conversations with frustrated people.  I can’t work out complicated sums in my head anymore.  I need to write that shit down, I feel so SLOW!!  

I’m disgusted with myself for letting myself go so much.  Losing my brain means a lot more to me than losing my tiny figure.  I said goodbye to being too small for a size 8 a loooong time ago.  I’ve made my peace with that…it’s the ‘oul brain slowing down that I can’t get with.  Grey hairs, wrinkles, love handles, I can live with all of that no bother but I’m really worried about my mind.  I make Mr. Claire buy me books, novels, history, biology, law, anything he can get his hands on…but I just can’t take it in like I used to and to be honest that scares me.  It doesn’t feel…normal.   Imagine if I started night classes like I had planned.  I would be so behind everybody else.  I just couldn’t deal with being the slow one.

I have serious problems with this because being smart is all I’ve ever been sure of.  Now that’s gone, I’m left with…quirky, at best.  That manages to both suck and blow at the exact same time.  I even forget the things that I have learned.  I really hate that feeling that I once knew this stuff so well and now I can’t manage to form one single fact on it.  Blah!

Enough about me…what is it that you’ve lost that you can’t live with?  Have you lost some brain cells since you gave birth?  Did you wake up one day and realise that you were no longer the hot young thing that everyone was jealous of?    I’ve never been funny, witty, popular or droolicious so losing my intelligence is the end of the world, how can I ever go on?!  Apart from the fact that I have two incredibly beautiful, entertaining, healthy children to live for, of course 😉  Seriously though, how did you cope when you realized that the person you believed you still were, was no longer looking back at you in the mirror?


Comments (20) »

The Consequences of Death and Cocaine

I promised myself that I wouldn’t write about this but I can’t get away from it.  Everywhere I turn is overflowing with it so now it’s my turn.   Just to start you off I’m going to let you know how I already felt about it.  Most of you probably already know just how against drugs I am, cocaine in particular.  For various reasons, here are a couple of them.  My best friend ruined my life by suddenly committing suicide because he owed money from drugs he was supposed to sell.  He didn’t even take drugs himself.  I didn’t even know he was selling.  He was the happiest person I knew (or so I thought) and I’m so mad at him for wasting his life for a scumbag dealer.  I’ve never gotten over it.  One of my very good friends ruined her own life by taking drugs before she knew she was pregnant and eventually lost the baby that should have been my godchild.  She will never get over that.  Her dealer boyfriend threatened to burn my house down and cut my brother’s head off because she went out one night without him and he got high and wrongly thought she was with me.  I know young fathers who have been taken to the mountains, had their tattoos cut off and shot in the back of the head because they got caught selling (and therefore lost) the drugs that were going to make them a little money for their family at Christmas.  I know the devastated mothers, girlfriends and fatherless children left behind.  They will never get over it.

I’m caught in the middle because I know the families of the people that snorted cocaine and then decided to pull those triggers.   I have to be careful who I invite to special occasions because it could turn into a fucking bloodbath if somebody turns up and spots the father of the man who murdered his brother.  I’ve been asked so many questions because people are looking for vengeance…and I don’t blame them but hurting innocent people in retaliation is never the way. 

I’ve been threatened a million times by people who are only brave because they are on coke that night.  I’m not afraid of anyone.  Nobody scares me but I should be scared because they aren’t afraid either – as long as they are snorting.  Anything can happen then.  There was a report before that said most gun crime was committed while the person was high on coke.  I well believe it.   And that’s even before the health risks both physical and mental.  People can die almost instantly, they can be poisoned by what the coke is cut with, they can die after a couple of years, they can die because of the continued stress on their hearts, their personalities can change, they can appear psychopathic even sociopathic, becoming emotionless and aggressive. 

I don’t really give a shit if this sounds like I’m standing on my soapbox.  I don’t give two fucks.  Yeah I’ve had bad experiences, so what?  What about the people that I don’t know personally?  What about that party where a couple of cokeheads were refused entry only for them to come back and shoot through the windows killing a 21 year old mother?  What about the innocent people that get shot because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time?  It’s one thing when the scumbags are only killing each other but now it could happen to anyone.  Bump into somebody on the street and who knows what could happen these days.  Drugs are involved in everything now.   It’s slowly eating away at my country once again.  It’s no longer the poor areas either.  Everywhere is getting a look in.  Anyone could be touched by it.

So, after that unexpected rant, this is what my actual post is really about!  Yesterday was the funeral of one of Ireland’s most well known models, Katy French.  She recently turned 24, a week before she died she admitted that she had been taking cocaine for the past five years but that sort of life was over for her.  She warned people of the risks of taking cocaine.  A couple of days later she was in a coma.  Of course the media (and everyone else) jumped on the idea that she died from cocaine use.  She had a series of small heart attacks and her body basically couldn’t keep going from the stress.  I think it’s terrible that people made these assumptions before her family could even start to cope with the idea.  It has been said that traces of cocaine were found in her blood but even if she hadn’t taken it that day or night, her heart had still been weakened from five years of use.  People are wondering why she said she was done with cocaine only a couple of days before this but I’m sure she thought she was.

I have to back up a bit here.  This year in particular, the focus is on cocaine use in Ireland.   Please read that article to really understand what it is like here.  There has been a huge effort to bring awareness to the dangers.  In the last week alone an investigation came to light that said cocaine traces was found in over 90% of the toilets of pubs, clubs and workplaces in Ireland.  Read that article to learn more about Katy and recent events.  Every single day in the newspapers and on the news are warning articles and items about the epidemic of cocaine in Ireland.  A couple of weeks before Katy French came into the picture, there was an incident at a party where cocaine use left a couple of people in comas which turned out to be fatal. 

Ireland has a population of around four million people.  Four million people.  That’s a very small number in comparison to most countries.  For a couple of people to die in the one week from using cocaine makes a huge impact.  Or at least it should.  But it didn’t.  Those men in Waterford died and nobody batted an eyelid.  Gangland heads are getting shot over here on a regular basis and nobody cares.  I’ve heard people say about that party in Waterford things like, “ah, it was only a bad batch.”  Wtf, your next line could be a ‘bad batch” you gobshite!  Oh, but wait…the toxicology reports on Katy French have said that the last cocaine she snorted was pure.  What was that about bad batches?

I’m getting to my point, stay with me here…So we all know what the dangers are.  It’s thrown in our face constantly by the media.  I mean there is a concentrated effort on informing people.  Not just the possible instant effects but the long term effects too.  Katy warned people about them before she died.  But nobody cares.  Why is that?  Nobody wants to know.  Nobody wants to hear it.  Nobody wants to hear about the consequences.  Until now.  Until a pretty, blonde, famous model has her life snuffed out.  Suddenly, everybody is shocked.  I’ve even heard people say that it’s put them off touching cocaine for life.  This is the consequence of her death.  This is what it took for people to pay attention.  A young girl had to die for people to sit up and listen.   I hate that it has to be this way and I hate saying this but if it saved one person’s life then she didn’t die for nothing.  I feel so sorry for her family and the families of everybody else that is left behind.  But I can’t feel sorry for people who take drugs.  They know exactly what they are doing and they are doing it to themselves.   I hate that but not as much as I hate the people getting them hooked.

Can I just say that I have NEVER once been offered cocaine.  By anyone.  I have never been offered any kind of drugs except hash in the pub and once a school friend of mine asked me to split an E with her.  Other than that, nobody has ever tried to get me to take drugs.  That says one of two things to me.  Either they know by the look of me that they’ll be on the receiving end of a box in the mouth 🙂 or people have to go looking for it.  People who actually know me already know that they won’t be spending time with me if they are off their heads on coke.  Just for the record Ireland is supposed to one of the top cocaine using countries in Europe and one of the cheapest.  It’s freely available to those who want it and people from all walks of life use it.  If my children grow up to use it I will be both devastated and ashamed.  My heart would break if my children took drugs, I don’t know what I would do. 

I’m glad that young people in particular are taking notice of what could happen but I wonder how long it will last.   There has been such a flood of awareness over the last week, it’s been amazing but that kind of attention can’t be maintained.  So we will all probably be reading about more young dead people over the holidays.  Isn’t life great?

I know this is a horrible post but I don’t really care.  I’m sick of the whole thing and I feel better after writing it.  I know that what I say doesn’t change anything for anyone else in this world.  But I feel relieved now for getting it off my chest.  It pisses me off when young people with severe health problems would love to have the chance at life that so many people are wasting.  I’ve depressed myself, I might do a meme later to cheer myself up 😉

 Edit:  I just read this and thought you might like a less hysterical calmer point of view 😉

Comments (16) »

F*%king WordPress!

I just wrote out a great big long post, complete with a lot of links.  I pressed publish and it fucking well disappeared.  I hate you WordPress you fecking….Aarrgh!!  This is the second time that’s happened this week!!  Stupid fucking pointless waste of time.  Okay, I’m going to have a bit of a sulk about it now.  Maybe if I’m feeling better, I’ll do a proper post.  AGAIN!!!  I’ve lost way too much stuff this week, I’m getting increasingly cranky with it.

Comments (7) »

F*%k You, FAI, F*%k You…

You may have noticed the National Anthem page there on the right.  I’m going to dedicate that page to the FAI, it seems only right.  For all the readers from far away lands, football = soccer here by the way. 

Anyway, in our football Golden Years in the 90’s (led by the one and only legendary and honorary Irishman, Jackie Charlton.  Jackie, we still adore you, please come back, you’re not too old, we promise), most of our players had English accents down to the grandparent rule so most of our team didn’t have a clue what the words to the National Anthem were.  They used to move their mouths anyway; it was amusing to see who could actually sing it.  So I think a good start for the FAI would be to teach our players the words to the song, it might make our woeful performances on the pitch a little less embarrassing.

Here’s a recent enough clip of our anthem being performed at a match.   Note how our younger players have learned from the embarrassment of past Irish footballing legends and have managed to not only learn the words but to sing so loudly that it sounds like a whole football team is singing along.  Also check out our recently sacked manager, Steve Staunton.  Now, Stan the Man was a great player on the Irish team for many years yet he still doesn’t know the words.  Glutton for punishment?  Well, he did take the job as Ireland Manager with no experience and after the unpleasantness that was Mick McCarthy (who used to play Captain, then managed to single handedly drive away Roy Keane, our Godlike Captain – we all like a cheeky rogue).  That says it all really.  Now there’s talk of Andy Townsend lending a hand, not as manager you understand, no we need someone experienced.  Experienced enough to have been sacked, obviously.

So now the FAI are looking for a new manager to shame.  Shame?   Why, yes, that is the perfect word for it because Irish football is in a shambles.  I repeat, Shambles.  That shower of planks don’t know their arses from their elbows.  They are now trying to fix long standing problems with a big name.  Newsflash – it doesn’t matter who manages the team, it won’t make great players magically sprout up out of the ground. 

Think of England, where men that wear skirts sarongs and cheat on their wives with women that pleasure pigs on television can become national heroes (and villains depending on the current scapegoat) and earn unlimited amounts of money.  Now think of Ireland, where football players earn an average wage, earned by their full time jobs.  That’s right, part time footballers are two a penny here.  We need to develop the youngsters, actually properly train players and maybe one day, we will get some decent players.  Constantly.  Not just two every generation. 

Our darling little Taoiseach had his dreams of the Bertie Bowl but he was laughed at.  He is also a bit of a plank and deserves to be laughed at but in fairness a decent football stadium could have been a great starting point and a hell of a lot more useful than the Giant Syringe pretending to be art in the middle of O’Connell Street.  And definitely a lot more useful than the proposed Giant Metal Man they want to put in the River Liffey.  Think of the children…please, think of the children….   Just thinking about it pisses me off.

Anyway, I’ve forgotten my point by now but it seems like people wonder why we lose at everything.   Most countries work harder for their athletes.  I used to love football and I mean love it.  My dream was to go to an Ireland match.  I used to settle for Shels and Pats matches instead which were great craic, don’t get me wrong.  But I always wanted to see Ireland play.  Everyone did.  World Cup, Italia ’90.  I was 7.  I remember the matches, I remember the atmosphere, I remember the love.  Once Charlton went, the love sort of…faded.  People started blaming the managers.  Just for the record, Brian Kerr rocks my world 🙂

So, FAI, if you ever get your act together, maybe you’ll help out our local teams a little bit more.  Maybe if the kid’s football teams had a little bit of proper funding, they might turn out some Eircom League players and maybe the Eircom League players may turn into International football legends and maybe, just maybe, if you put a bit of effort into making Irish football what it could be, our decent players wouldn’t piss off to England to play for real money the first chance they get.

If the FAI bucked up a little, maybe the boys from Crumlin United would have more of a future than playing for Wolves reserve team, maybe Usher Celtic would win a match because they can play rather than their opponents pissing themselves for fear of scoring in case they get stabbed.    Maybe, wankers that make up the FAI, you could think about how you haven’t supported the players or the managers of the Ireland team for fear of getting shit on too.   And, I’m sorry, but how many fecking press conferences does it take you lot to actually spit something out?

In conclusion:  F*%k you FAI, we’ve had enough of your piss taking bolloxology.

 Oh, and…Up the GAA!

Comments (9) »

Random Ranting, Rarr

I’m not feeling well so I’m extra value cranky today 🙂 

 First of all, I’m disappointed in someone.  Now I’ve said it, I feel slightly better and can move on from it.  I have said before that I have high expectations of people so I shouldn’t really be surprised that I get disappointed so easily.  Apparently it’s too much to expect that people will be honest about how they feel about you and instead snipe at you from a distance.  Ah well.  I’ve tied it up in a neat little box and thrown it away.  Disappointment gone…

 Secondly, I’m a bit surprised at how many other people are cranky today.  I’m always cranky.  Everyone knows that but it seems like most of the world is annoyed at something this week.  I’m beginning to wonder if it’s the time of year.  November is a dreary month, the only thing that seems to happen is constant reminders of how many days it is to Christmas and how I should really be saving by now.  I wouldn’t be surprised if it was keeping people down in the dumps.

 Thirdly, I’m a bit annoyed on someone else’s behalf.  Stupid Dublin County Council and their ridiculous lack of competent staff.  I should be annoyed on my own behalf too but it always feels better to be indignant for someone else.  Housing over here is ridiculously expensive, renting is ridiculously expensive, childcare is ridiculously expensive, the housing list is ridiculously inadequate, there are a lot of empty homes and a lot of people living in hellholes with their children.  If people waited until the housing “crisis” dissipated, they would never have children.  Anyway my point is, people are getting trapped into taking social welfare payments.  Families can’t afford to buy their own home, can’t afford to rent and pay childcare so they can’t work and are left relying on the housing authorities.  Others who were lucky enough to get mortgages are now stuck in too small homes with expanding families that cannot sell their home because of the change in the market.  This is the general reason why I’m pissed off but it’s a constant one.  The exact details depend on exactly who it is I’m annoyed for 🙂

Ooh, CSI is on, I’m cheered up now, well not really but I’m skipping the rest of my rant because I’m boring myself.  I’m going to eat lots of chocolate and do nothing else and by tomorrow I should be out of this wee funk I’m in.

Comments (6) »