Posts tagged quality

I.Q Tests

Having mentioned recently that I felt like I was stupider…since I had children, I decided to put it to the test and take an I.Q. test.  In fairness, I did a free one online so it doesn’t really count but I was disgusted surprised by the results.  I am stupider!!!  I mean, more stupid….or something…I took an I.Q. test (can’t remember which one, Mensa or Stanford-Binet, doesn’t really matter) before I had children when I was about 19 or 20, I scored quite high in the gifted zone.  Shocking, I know…but before you faint, my recent test revealed I was now in the above average percentage…and very barely at that.  What I mean is, I guessed a lot fluked getting into that category, trust me!  Plus they say that online tests are overly generous with their scores so I dread to think how little my brain cells are worth these days!

My scores were then divided into categories.  Apparently I scored highly in both verbal communication and short term memory.  Um…I can’t verbally communicate with anyone and I have absolutely no short term memory to speak of.  Something is very wrong here…Although people good at this crap are meant to be good at things like writing so woo!   I scored shockingly low in the Mathematics section.  That’s scary because once upon a time I was very good at Maths.  My old Math teacher would be furious that it’s now my poorest area because she used to pride herself that Maths was best subject.  I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was wrong, sorry Miss!!

Why does this happen?  Is it because I’m now only using my brain to learn Tweenie songs, Wiggles Dance Routines and Hi5 skits?  Is it because I don’t test my brain beyond the realm of blogging?  Why has intelligence forsaken me, why?!  I have to admit that of all the things that happen when you are a parent, it’s the stupidity that gets to me the most.  I hate feeling stupid.  I hate that my brain doesn’t work as fast as it used to.  It’s like it hit it’s peak in my teens and after that it’s been downhill.  I’ve always been great at grammar, spelling and punctuation, give it to me straight, my writing is a load of bollox now, isn’t it?  I feel like this is how senility must kick in except a billion times worse.  I don’t want to live through that, seriously.  I’m having a hard enough time as it is coping with not being able to string a coherant sentence together without that on my shoulders too.   I used to be smart.  I used to know a lot.  What the hell happened to me?!  Oh, yes, that’s right, I had two kids and apparently donated my brain to them…

I don’t read as much as I used to because I can’t take in as much unless the words are seriously enthralling.  I can’t remember what people tell me.  I can’t take in simple information easily.  I space out…a lot!  I constantly repeat myself and forget who told me what, leading to a lot of repetitive conversations with frustrated people.  I can’t work out complicated sums in my head anymore.  I need to write that shit down, I feel so SLOW!!  

I’m disgusted with myself for letting myself go so much.  Losing my brain means a lot more to me than losing my tiny figure.  I said goodbye to being too small for a size 8 a loooong time ago.  I’ve made my peace with that…it’s the ‘oul brain slowing down that I can’t get with.  Grey hairs, wrinkles, love handles, I can live with all of that no bother but I’m really worried about my mind.  I make Mr. Claire buy me books, novels, history, biology, law, anything he can get his hands on…but I just can’t take it in like I used to and to be honest that scares me.  It doesn’t feel…normal.   Imagine if I started night classes like I had planned.  I would be so behind everybody else.  I just couldn’t deal with being the slow one.

I have serious problems with this because being smart is all I’ve ever been sure of.  Now that’s gone, I’m left with…quirky, at best.  That manages to both suck and blow at the exact same time.  I even forget the things that I have learned.  I really hate that feeling that I once knew this stuff so well and now I can’t manage to form one single fact on it.  Blah!

Enough about me…what is it that you’ve lost that you can’t live with?  Have you lost some brain cells since you gave birth?  Did you wake up one day and realise that you were no longer the hot young thing that everyone was jealous of?    I’ve never been funny, witty, popular or droolicious so losing my intelligence is the end of the world, how can I ever go on?!  Apart from the fact that I have two incredibly beautiful, entertaining, healthy children to live for, of course 😉  Seriously though, how did you cope when you realized that the person you believed you still were, was no longer looking back at you in the mirror?

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